I found this delightful art at D.I.

"Come here Jimmy, be a good boy and give daddy a goodnight kiss."

Sally exclaimed, "Me next Daddy!"

Not creepy at all.

Ian Clift Carter = Not Satanic.

Happy Day of Birth Ian.

Ian and I have been besties since infancy. Okay, that is a lie... my mom made me invite him to my birthday parties. Pity invite. We were born and raised a block away from each other and became inseparable on his sweet 16. I was inspired to bring him a goldfish, and it was all bubbles from there ( muhaha. so cheesy ) I just love this kid. We have been through it all. Truly. My best memories are with Ian.

Ian's qualities: Amazing Photographer. Cannot grow facial hair. Is un-dunkable in a swimming pool. God-Father to my dogs. Can wrap a gift better than Martha Stewart.

Defects: Has a model mullet. Lives in LA. Bad at naming pets. Loves Wal-Mart AND IHOP.

Satan is the CEO of golds gym....

Yes, I purposely did not capitalize golds gym because they are not worthy of such luxury. I freaking hate golds gym. I always heard horror stories of trying to quit this gym, but I never expected them to be so evil. My two years were up ( Thank goodness ) and so I assumed since I hadn't renewed my membership surely they wouldn't go ahead and charge me a "membership fee" and also my monthly payment. But they did and there was nothing I could do about it. Also, they make you write them a letter explaining why you want to quit their gym.... so I did. Enjoy.


I should have included: I am NOT sorry for that one time I peed in your hot tub, or the several times I did not disinfect the machines after using them. Now I wish I would have spit in your drinking fountain.

I almost pee'd my pants today...

No joke.

I had 64 ounces of diet coke ( gross, I am not proud of this) and had only one pee after this atrocious amount of substance was in my body. My job requires me to be in a vehicle for long amounts of time, and I really cannot stop to pee at my leisure. Problem. Huge problem. When I finally was able to stop at a sketch gas station ( at this point my top button was already unbuttoned) I run inside and dart for the bathroom only to read a huge sign " Ask attendant for key" Seriously... an effing key to pee? So, I find the worker girl and she tells me that someone is already in the bathroom. FML. I seriously paced around that damn sinclair station for several minutes thinking of what I would say to my boss when I call her and tell her I have to run home to get new pants BECAUSE I'VE PEE'D MINE! I almost ran across state street when a girl finally comes out of the bathroom at which point I think " I wonder if the reason she was in there so long was because she took a large.. dump." Is this TMI? Oh well. I grab the key from her then OCD germ Sharon kicks in and I hesitate to touch the disgusting key which is attached to a plastic soda lid. GERMS anyone? Like they actually disinfect it. But I was desperate. Relief. After I washed my hands I rolled up a large piece of paper towel to carry the infected key back to the desk.... and proceeded sanitized my hands with my sanitizer in my purse.

Why do some gas stations still use this method?

Just when you thought I couldn't be more well-rounded...

My amazing friends and I have crafttastic nights and here are some things I have made. Besides the store bought shirt... pretty much everything is made from scratch. On the awesome list we have: Crochet Headband, Elastic Belt, Life-size photo of man taking photo, Argyle plate ( get over it, I know it's upside down ), Rasta-Peace spraypaint shirt, Mod Podge Wallet, Xanders dog collar, Moccasins, My phone cover and Lightswitch cover. These are a few of my hand-made things.

Why do people cheat?

DOUCHE

What a douche Tiger is. Same with all the cheaters out there. Of course he is "sorry" and wants to be a good husband and father... after he is caught. Isn't that always the case. When are men going to learn? The grass is never greener on the other side. Chasing after lust will get you NO WHERE. It's just sad that men have to learn it the hard way, and the poor women suffer all the consequences of their idiocy.

WHORE

I am not excluding woman from this. Jaimee Grubbs knew Tiger was married, she didn't care. It is sad when a woman does this. Especially when the woman is a mother. Shame on you. You should not have kids. Please stop.

Why is it that the women men decided to cheat with are always so much uglier than their wife... why is this men? Probably because the only girls trashy enough to cheat are just this... trashy.

Tis' the Season...

Found in the Provo Quiznos.I had to be extra sneaky taking this one.

Stay Classy this Holiday Season!

Also, I want to share my favorite time wasters!
First up: Seriouslysoblessed.blogspot.com for all you Mormon mommies who are perfect wives, have perfect lives, and perfect kids. (Vomit)

Second: www.stuffwhitepeoplelike.com. to see just how white you really are!

Enjoy with some hot cocoa. Store bought of course, who do you think I am?

Satan reads twilight.

This says it all.

A spoon full of sugar.

Shar loves Bob. Duh.

So the story begins. I was in bed spooning Xander ( my beagle ) and was having a delicious dream. In my dream I was in a hotel room ( how trashy ) with Bob Marley. We sat and talked for hours ( okay, I don't know if that is true, but we talked for what seemed to be a long time) and of course he realized he loved me ( okay, also maybe not entirely true but how much cooler is the story? admit it. ) We decide to lay down and spoon. That is the truth. I was dreaming about being spooned by BOB MARLEY. I was pretty sure things were going to get hot and heavy when I was suddenly woken up by the very loud school kids walking to school... They pretty much ruined my life.

Does anyone else spoon their dog?

500 E in American Fork is Heaven...

Because it has Taco Bell AND Deseret Industries, which is the theme for the fails I witnessed today. Below you will notice this young lady and her... can we call it a shirt? I was in shock as you can imagine to see such attire in Taco Bell because there is usually a bevy of classy folk dining at Taco Bell, such as myself. But this is 2009, and we can no longer discriminate. Boo.

After our nutritious meal at the Taco Bell we (Kory, McKay and Myself) went to D.I. to look for a beach cruiser. Instead we found this. Kory called it the Child Molester Kit.



Lastly, because believe it or not I fail on occasion, I will not leave myself out. This is my attempt to jump over one longboard back onto my longboard only to find out my board does not fit under the other one. Sharon Fail.



I am planning a three day trip to visit every D.I. in Utah. Stay tuned for the inevitable failures.